"My inability to promise a life with you, as your wife, does not stem from a lack of love or deep, deep commitment to you. Indeed, as you probably know, I have not felt a serious ounce for anyone but you since 1983. My decision was based, instead, on trying to envision our life together and I saw us not matching (the only way we didn’t fit). For a long time I thought I would live and work in Haiti, carving out a life with you, but now I understand that I can’t. And that’s simply not compatible with your life—the life you once told me you would like to lead even ten years ago. You pointed out to me once, during an emotional argument, that the qualities I love in you—that drew me to you—also cause me to resent you: namely your unswerving commitment to the poor, your limitless schedule and your massive compassion for others. You were right, and, as your wife, I would place my own emotional needs in the way of your important vision; a vision whose impact upon the poor (and the rest of us) can’t be exaggerated…"
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From a letter from Ophelia Dahl to Paul Farmer, excerpted from Tracy Kidder’s Mountains Beyond Mountains.
Speaks for itself, really. I don’t know Paul Farmer or his life, but for me, this letter will always exemplify the struggle between pursuing your passion and meeting the needs of the people you care about (including yourself). It’s hard to ignore the work/life/family drama 1. as you get older and see more people your age doing the family thing; 2. as you are always reminded in medical school of your limited fertility; 3. as you progress in your career and have more demanded of you. I know that marriage and babies is the next logical developmental phase for me in the near future, but that is still really hard for me to wrap my head around. I’m still trying to figure out the parents and siblings part of my family.
